


And as for the clouds (just let them roll)

by nynyve



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU speculation season 6, Also she needs a bearded boyfriend, Clarke Griffin is a hero fight me, Everyone needs to talk with her and tell her so, Please love Charmaine Diyoza as hard as I do thanks, Please no hating on O or Echo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-04 03:03:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15832440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nynyve/pseuds/nynyve
Summary: ‘We should wait’ she answers at last, the room silent.‘Why?’ Raven scoffs, desperate. ‘We have been trying to contact for a week, why more? Why do you think this is going to change?’Clarke’s eyes soften around the edges, the blue almost melting.‘I waited six years for a call. I would have appreciated a warning. I can wait a little longer’.OrTime aboard the ship waiting for a response from the planet below passes slowly, as slow as Clarke's soul starts to heal.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I want all of them to talk so badly I had to write this. I also want a huge monument with Clarke Griffin's face with HERO written in it because that is what she deserves and I love her.  
> I think Clarke's mind is in a dark place right now, feeling a bit disconnected of the same people that used to be her family, and that's what i wanted to show here. I want her to heal and be happy, so I wrote this.  
> I hope you enjoy.
> 
> As always, I apologize for any grammar mistakes you find in the text, I'm not a native english speaker and it may show.

Its a really big ship, so naturally Clarke finds a quiet place to be alone, away from everybody just for a moment.

It has a sort-of a small window from which she can see that beautiful planet Monty died for.

She tries not to think about that. On how almost all the 100 are dead now. She just tries not to think. It’s easier.

The two suns around which the blue planet orbits cast a beautiful light she would love to paint. 

With Madi still asleep in the cryo bed Clarke loses track of time for a while. She focuses on breathing, in and out, and the patterns of the clouds beneath her.

Suddenly the door opens, startling her.

Octavia stands there, confused. The girl opens her mouth but no sound comes out for a few seconds. Then, in a heartbeat, her eyes harden.

‘I thought this room was empty’ she says, but no sorrys or excuse mes.

‘It’s ok’ Clarke answers. ‘There is enough space for both of us if you want to sit.’

She isn’t exactly sure about why she is offering, but it must be related with the anxiety crushing her chest right now. Or the fact that she feels lonely, really lonely, surrounded by the very same people that used to be her family.

It surprises them both when Octavia finally closes the door and crosses the room with soft steps.

-

They have been sitting in silence in that room for a while, looking into the magnificent darkness filled with stars that surrounds them.

She finds herself oddly relaxed in the presence of Octavia. A few days ago this girl was threatening Madi's life and about to execute her. And yet.

If there is one person in this ship that can understand the isolation feeling Clarke is having right now, is the former Blodreina. Both of them betrayed the people they loved most to find themselves in a delicate situation. Clarke does not feel guilty about everything she did because she did it for Madi, and that is precisely the problem. She feels guilty for not feeling guilty.

A paradox like everything else in her life.

After a while, Octavia's deep voice surprises her.

'I can practically hear you thinking from here. You are giving me a headache'.

Clarke looks at her to find the smallest note of humor in her lips. It startles her how much that small smile looks like Bellamy's.

'I always think too much. A habit I can't break'.

'I've been told repeatedly I don't think enough, so maybe we should team up next time' she says, dry, and Clarke snorts.

It is weird finding herself joking with Octavia after everything that happened on Earth. This girl almost single-handedly destroyed her home and what was left of the planet.

But it is enough for now. The are being judged by everyone else. So, for a moment, it is nice just sit there, feeling a bit less alone.

-

'We don't deserve it' it's what escapes Octavia's lips, a while later. Her eyes are fixed on the beautiful blue planet underneath them.

It's exactly what has been floating around her mind since Monty's video played. They aren't worthy of such a selfless love, the love of two persons that gave away their life to get them into a new starting point. They aren't worthy of Monty and Harper's sacrifice.

At least _she_ isn't.

'You are right. But it is what Monty dedicated his life to. He-he did this for us.' It's hard stopping tears from falling, the wound of his loss still fresh. Octavia's hard mask wobbles a bit. She didn't cry back at the main room when they played Monty's video for the awakened. But it clearly struck a chord. Monty and Jasper were the delinquents closest to her.

And now both of them...

Her own voice is raspy from the emotion Clarke can barely contain. 'We do better this time, to honour him, them. We do better. And we protect what they died for: their legacy, their son. And hopefully one day, we'll be worthy'.

There is doubt and fear and loneliness in Octavia's eyes. But also a tiny little something.

'Yeah' the younger girl whispers at least, her eyes fixed on the planet again. 'One day'.

-

Two days pass and that small room becomes a safe place for them both. The rest of the awakened -what is left of the original 100 plus Diyoza, Shaw, Jackson and SpaceKru- keep resolving technical details Clarke is not interested into, for the first time in her life. She is done with the saving complex. So she keeps finding excuses to leave those meeting filled with trajectories and oxigen supplies calculations and goes to that small room with a window to sit and just exist.

Sometimes she wishes there was some paper and ink so she could draw.

Other times she wishes Madi was there with her.

She had ask them not to wake the girl up until their plans were determined. That damn chip was in her brain still and Clarke knew that Madi would wake the rest of the Grounders in a second, because she was the Commander now. So to avoid that conflict hanging over their heads and to attend Clarke's plea of letting Madi be a carefree child for a bit longer, they waited.

Sometimes, at night, she sits besides Madi's capsule and just watches her sleep. Then, after crying her heart out when nobody else is around, she returns to the safety of the room.

And Octavia sits there, too, her dark hair now in a small ponytail, the Eligius Corp. robes so strange for her, making her look younger.

-

First person to enter and pause at the door is Charmaine Diyoza.

'Well, hello. I didn't know you had a secret club meeting here' her lips curl into a mocking smile, her hand caressing the curve of her belly. She is almost due to give birth and that's one of the reasons she is awake, so Jackson can assist her with the medical supplies they have aboard. The other reason being she was the ship's captain and knew all the codes, so they need her.

For some reason Clarke can't even begin to understand Diyoza also seems to appreciate her.

'It's very exclusive' Octavia snaps 'It only admits mass murderers'.

At that Diyoza laughs heartily.

'Can I join the club? The rest of your people is giving me a headache with so much talk and you seem- well. Not the talkative type.'

Clarke shrugs and Octavia scoffs.

'I'll take that as a yes' Charmaine sits with difficulty and sighs. The baby in her belly moves and kicks and she lets a small sound of protest, but that's all.

Clarke sees the way Octavia looks at her round belly.

Curious.

-

The fourth time Diyoza stands up to go to pee they hear her mumble angrily and Clarke can't help but smile.

'I hate this even more than the morning sickness or the back pain, this neverending feeling of being full of liquid...'

'Do you need help?' she offers.

'Depends. Are you going to point a gun to my stomach again Clarkey?'

Octavia snorts.

'Typical Clarke'.

'So you don't need help, then' Clarke says, frowning. She did what she had to do. She would have never shot a baby for fuck's sake. But nobody has to know that.

'Aw Clarkey don't act so offended. It was a bold move. It worked. I would probably have done the same exact thing. And, yes thank you very much, I need help, so come on. You both are younger and I am about to explode, help me or I'll piss on the floor of your stupid club'.

-

_It's weird_ , Clarke thinks when they are back and both Octavia and Diyoza seem to be asleep.

Suddenly she doesn't feel so alone.

-

‘You formed a cockroach club and didn’t invite me?’ Murphy says, mockingly offended. ‘I thought we were on the same team. Oh, right, scratch that. You left Bellamy on that hole to die, so. Not the same team anymore’.

Clarke knew their bubble was broken the moment the three of them exited the room and Murphy saw them from the other side of the hallway.

‘Were you three planning to put some beautiful shock collars in our necks again, eh? Maybe some old fashioned murder?’

Clarke is so angry right now she is gritting her teeth. Her loneliness only contributes to put her in a really bad mood whenever anyone of the SpaceKru looks at her. They all seem to judge her. It’s partly why she is enjoying her current company so much: both Octavia and Diyoza are horrible people too. So they don’t judge. They just are horrible in another sense.

‘You have some nerve coming to give me lessons about loyalty, Murphy’ she replies, cold. Murphy seems surprised for a second, like he didn’t expect her to stand her ground. ‘I did what I had to do. For Madi. I would do it again. I don’t expect any of you to understand, please go back to ignore me like you have been doing the last weeks’.

He seems taken aback.

‘We didn’t-’

‘Right, that’s why you all seemed so concerned about my child becoming commander with an AI in her brain. Oh, right, scratch that. You were ready to sacrifice my family for the wellbeing of yours’.

She leaves without hearing his response.

-

They have algae to at least survive another three months, so they keep trying to communicate with the new planet. Raven and Diyoza send messages in every code they know asking for permission to land. And they know a lot of codes.

It’s been established they should at least try to communicate for a while before launching a ship with explorers. They explain they are refugees looking for a place to live, and they politely request a meeting, to avoid exactly what happened with the delinquents and the grounders. A war.

Another one.

They hope the Eligius III crew remember they were mercilessly alone in the dark once too. After a few days of no response Raven starts to get impatient.

‘We should start planning a launch’ she argues, again. ‘We have no responses!’

‘Maybe they don’t have that technology’ Emori tries ‘And they can’t communicate, so we are losing our time’.

‘They probably have some descendants of the Eligius, they know the technology’ Shaw argues back.

‘Launching ourselves without a warning is as much as a war declaration’ Echo states ‘We have been through that. Twice’.

‘I’ve spent my whole life in this thing so I want out as soon as possible, thanks’ Jordan exclaims excitedly.

‘Clarke?’ comes suddenly Bellamy’s voice, deep, rich, soft. ‘What do you think?’

Clarke keeps her eyes on the crystal, the two suns casting a golden light her fingers ache to paint.

‘We should wait’ she answers at last, the room silent.

‘Why?’ Raven scoffs, desperate. ‘We have been trying for a week, why more? Why do you think this is going to change?’

Clarke’s eyes soften around the edges, the blue almost melting.

‘I waited six years for a call. I would have appreciated a warning. I can wait a little longer’.

When the silence around her seems so dense that is going to invade her lungs, she leaves.

-

She wanders the ship in the search of a shower, a bathtub, water or whatever similar. Clarke has always felt lakes and waterfalls were the best thing about earth. She loved that feeling, floating, a bit cold, her hair plastered in her face. She hopes there is water down there.

There are showers, Jordan tells her, but what comes from them is not exactly water, and it isn’t comforting either. She washes her head and body anyway, trying to not cry when the memories of Madi swimming around her or splashing water to her face flood into her brain.

Still, her eyes are a bit red and puffy when Bellamy finds her.

‘Clarke’ he calls, again that soft sound. He is been calling her by her name at any opportunity and is annoying and endearing at the same time.

‘Yeah’ she almost whispers, not looking at him but at his Elegius pyjama. If Clarke can avoid those dark brown irises she can avoid _that_ feeling too. Because _that_ feeling is too much right now.

‘Are you okay?’ he asks, concerned painted in his voice. His body is closer than it was a second ago, she can feel the warmth of his arms.

_Stop it_.

‘Yeah’ she answers automatically. _No_ . His eyes are persistent, and Clarke allows herself only a glance. She falls into her own trap. The moment their eyes connect there is that feeling again, floating around them, _something_ delicate and unnamed. She can’t lie to him when he looks at her with so much fondness. ‘Sort of.’

‘Do you miss Madi?’ Bellamy’s hands move for a second like he is going to caress her arms, but stops himself and smiles again. ‘What a stupid question. I already miss her and only knew her for a couple of weeks. Of course you miss your daughter’.

‘She knows how to leave an impression’ Clarke answers, trying to smile, her throat almost closed with emotion just thinking about her.

‘Takes after her mother’ Bellamy answers, so soft, and she feels a physical need to hold him into her arms right now, damn him. She is fighting so many emotions right now her soul is a mess and Bellamy is a problem she should be fixing, not falling into again.

So, too late probably, she smiles, composing herself.

‘Universe having a laugh at me, probably, for what I did to mom in my rebel years’.

Bellamy smiles too, and Clarke knows he is thinking about those first weeks on the ground. When everything was simpler. When she was a princess and he was a rebel boy. Those memories seem to hold them together no matter what.

They just stand there in the middle of the badly illuminated hallway looking at each other longer than they should.

Finally, Bellamy whispers a good night and looks at her one last time before disappearing again.

-

Next day, little baby Diyoza  is apparently having too much fun for her mother’s taste.

‘This little bastard keeps kicking me like she is going to be a martial arts master’ the woman complains while Clarke checks her belly in case anything is wrong.

‘It seems everything is alright. Maybe she is just bored, like the rest of us’ Clarke says, a small smile dancing in her lips.

‘Oh, not all of us are bored. That damn space kid follows me everywhere I go: _“I have never seen a baby before! Does it hurt? Does she move? Why are you always peeing? Should you eat that?”_ I’ve killed people for less that that’.

Octavia chuckles. ‘I have never seen a baby before either, so I understand the kid’.

‘What kind of weird space hippie society are you bunch of people from? Never seen a baby!’

‘Well, I was born in secret and spent my life hiding under a trap in my tiny cubicle only to be sentenced to death by the government for existing and then sent into the ground to survive a couple of wars, so. A bit weird, yeah’.

Charmaine Diyoza’s brows fly so high up her forefront they almost merge into her hair.

‘No time for babies, I see’.

There is a long moment in which Octavia seems to be lost in thought.

‘My brother used to tell me how I was born’ she says softly, ‘How small I was, like a doll, and how he used to believe he was going to break me’.

Clarke hears the way her voice quivers, sees how defeated her shoulders are.

It’s like looking into a mirror right now.

So she says ‘He needs time. There will come a moment in which he will be ready to forgive you, like he did with me’.

A second of silence.

‘It’s not the same’.

‘Of course not. You are _family_. He loves you more than any other person in any time or space, Octavia’.

Octavia looks at Clarke, considering.

‘You really don’t know’.

The blonde woman looks at her, dumbfounded.

‘He poisoned _me_ to save _you_ , Clarke’.

Diyoza whistles.

‘Well, he was willing to kill 300 hundred people for you’.

Clarke just stares into her own hands, speechless.

-

Clarke knows Echo doesn’t like her very much, and frankly the feeling is mutual, so they try to politely avoid each other aboard the ship. Which is why she stares in surprise when the Azgeda warrior enters the small room in which Clarke silently contemplates the new world below her.

‘I don’t understand’ it’s what she says instead of a greeting. ‘I don’t understand why you leave him to die in that pit and he just forgives you like it’s nothing. It took me three years to get him to talk to me, but you are forgiven just like this? I don’t understand’.

Clarke opens her mouth and then closes it like a fish.

‘I too don’t understand’ it’s the lame explanation she ends up with.

‘Echo’ Raven warns, entering the room like a hurricane ‘Echo! Stop this’.

‘I just want an explanation! And Bellamy isn’t going to give me one so-’

‘Enough!’ Raven scolds ‘That is not her fault’.

‘I know’ the azgeda woman sighs defeatedly. ‘I just- She doesn’t understand either!’

Raven’s eyes search for the truth in Clarke’s face. She has the same expression Octavia had before, as if they were hiding a secret only Clarke didn’t know about.

‘No’ she whispers, barely audible ‘I don’t think she does’.

Then both of them exit the room silently, a sad look into her old friends face, leaving Clarke more confused than ever.

-

The planet answers back.

-

The rest of them are all smiles and happiness, but Clarke feels like crying. She escapes to the small room and finds Octavia already red-eyed. So she sits next to her, closer than she’s been to anyone besides Madi in months, and lets the younger girl cry into her shoulder while her own sobs echo around the steel walls.

Because no matter how much she scolds herself mentally, she still doesn’t believe they _deserve_ this.

-

‘We will wake up all of you soon’ she tells Madi sleeping form, caressing the  glass longingly. ‘You will have a new home, Madi. Monty made sure of that. I’m still not sure why he is not here to see it but I am. I hope we do better this time. But, what if I am too broken, Madi? What if I’m broken beyond repair? What if I end up doing something to hurt you the way my mother hurt me?’

There is no answer.

-

Clarke volunteers to stay behind and tries to ignore Bellamy’s look. He seems sad and angry and surprised and betrayed, and it’s too much.

‘You should take Jackson because he is way better doctor than I am, and I will stay behind to wake all the grounders and help my mother treat Kane and assist Diyoza with the baby. The moment everything is right on the ground the rest of us will go down. It's the best solution’.

She can lie and say the truth at the same time.

-

‘You chickened out of the landing?’

‘Shut up’ Clarke says, mild. ‘I know you totally enjoy my company nowadays’.

Charmaine smiles a little.

‘Well, you _are_ a doctor more or less. And sometimes you remember me of myself when I was younger. Only I was a bombshell and you are not.’

Clarke rolls her eyes.

It does nothing good to her heart that she catches Bellamy’s sort of offended expression at what Diyoza just said.

-

He is so close now, resting his arm in the cryo capsule just besides Madi’s, Clarke can smell his scent.

‘We could still wake them now and travel down together’ he tries again.

‘You know that’s not a good idea, Bellamy. We are refugees now, and grounders can take a while to understand this situation. Besides, is better if you go down and negotiate the terms of our arrival, as an ambassador’.

‘Yes, I know. But’ he moves his body, puts a hand in his neck, frustrated ‘I would like you to come with me. Together. As always’.

Her heart flutters but there are tears prickling in her eyes.

Together means something different for her now. But is something he is not allowed to know.

‘I think you’ll manage without me. And I’m not in the most peaceful mood lately, is better I stay here and we hopefully avoid another war so Monty doesn’t come back from the dead and kills us all’ she tries to smile but sees the worry in his eyes.

‘I-’ Bellamy starts, and pauses. He seems to be choosing his next words carefully. Everything about him is soft and tender nowadays and she’s starting to take a liking to this new person. ‘I don’t think you understand how _important_ you are, Clarke Griffin’.

Those words stay with her even after they watch the ship land into the new earth.

-


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know that *technically* I said I wanted them to talk last chapter. But. They are all so precious and I don't want them to fight. I want them to LOVE EACH OTHER.

She wakes Madi first and the little girl embraces her with such a force she loses her breath.

Clarke’s heart seems to beat again.

-

They are about to wake the rest when Hope decides she’s tired of waiting and Diyoza wakes up in a pool of amniotic fluid. So Clarke hurries to wake Abby and the moment the first human baby in one hundred years is born she is surrounded by amazed faces.

Madi seems to be her old self, excited and babbling and cooing and full of questions and curiosity. Abby looks ten years younger, her face tired but smiling. Indra’s eyes are softer than Clarke has ever seen them. But is Octavia who seems to be the most shocked.

And for the first time in forever, the younger girl locks eyes with her and smiles.

-

They take care of the new mother and her daughter, and then wake the rest of the sleeping crew except Kane and Gaia. It’s a long day followed by a long night with lots of technical and logistical explanations and planning, so Clarke completely forgets about the communication with the landing group.

Which is why when she sees the red light in the panel, curses loudly and hurries up to answer.

‘-copy me, Clarke? For the love of god, do you copy me up there, someone?!’ comes Bellamy’s voice.

‘I’m here, Bellamy’ she answers. ‘Sorry we-’

‘Did something happen up there? Are you alright? We were scared to death down here!’ it’s Raven’s voice now, urgent and angry and worried.

‘A baby happened!’ Clarke exclaims, suddenly so happy she feels like bursting into laughter, so she does ‘A baby, can you believe? You should have seen everyone’s faces!’

There is a silence on the other side of the line so long Clarke thinks the connection has broken. ‘Hello?’

‘Yeah’ Raven’s voice comes distorted, sounding weird and choked ‘Yeah, we are here’.

‘Well, sorry for the delay, anyway. Everyone is up and ready here now, so, how is Earth-2 going?’

-

It turns up the Eligius III crew integrated themselves really well in this new planet and they mixed with the original population, giving as a result a very advanced civilization who had no problem with them staying. They were in fact in need of new gene pools, and agreed to let them have a portion of land and some communal houses while the two civilizations started to know each other. They sort of had been waiting for them, believing someday people far from the stars would come and they would be reunited on this new earth.

And a week later all of them cross the door of Green Colony.

-

All about this new planet seems designed to please. The technology is really advanced, everything smooth and flat and white, no awkward angles anywhere, no hard colours and lots of windows to see the beautiful suns outside. The regular clothes they receive are practical and plain, in a range of soft blues and greys so different from her clothes at Earth Clarke takes a while warming to them. What’s left of earth original population are labelled Space Explorers and the original settlers become Original People, but is not long until a mixed couple is formed.

All of them get to choose something productive to do and it seems every single person of their group has Monty’s last words engraved at heart, because after a few weeks is evident everyone is adapting as best as they can to this new reality.

-

Their medical equipment is also impressive, but not even their best doctors can assure Abby if Kane will wake from coma or not. Her mother has been struggling with her past addiction and Clarke wishes to help her in anyway she can, even after knowing what happened in the bunker. Madi remains wary of Abby, and even though that hurts a little it also helps Clarke being able to talk with her mother about different ways of getting that damn commander chip out of Heda’s head.

-

Grounder people are still a bit confused about the whole situation: the new planet and its Original People with new technologie; and this new way of life, much more intellectual than they used to have. Madi has been acting as a mediator and they seem to follow her with no doubts, just as Diyoza does with her old prison mates. Clarke is lucky to remain in good spirits with some people that still value her, but Octavia is a different story. She’s practically a pariah with only Miller as an exception. Clarke knows her relationship with Indra is still on shaky ground and the girl is volunteering with hard tasks to earn Bellamy’s forgiveness, but is going to take time.

Sometimes they go visit little Hope and let her mother tease them for a while, other times Clarke drops by the room Octavia has been assigned to and they just sit there in silence with a hot beverage in hand. They have never really been friends before, and they aren’t now either. But Clarke knows the feeling.

‘I miss the woods’ Octavia says a rainy evening. ‘The smell. That feeling of freedom’.

‘Sitting around a fire in a chill night’ Clarke agrees, eyes full of memories. ‘A waterfall and the grass under your feet’.

‘Horses’ the black haired girl says, but Clarke hears the name hidden behind.

_Lincoln._

-

She is sitting on a small table one morning, eating while reading one of the medical files the Original People sent her, when senses a body sit right in front of her.

Clarke looks at Raven, surprised for a moment. They have a civilized relationship now, but nowhere close they used to be. In the last few months they have only talked if Bellamy or Madi was around them too.

‘I know I’m beautiful Griffin, stop staring’ she says nonchalantly, as if nothing has happened between them, and proceeds to eat and rant about a turbine’s mechanism she has to fix.

Clarke spends the rest of her day smiling like an idiot.

From a distance Madi and Bellamy share a look, and smile too.

-

Following Raven, Shaw, Murphy or Emori also join her sometimes at lunch or doing whatever tasks the Original People ask them to. Little by little, Clarke starts to _feel_ better around them, allowing herself to smile at their jokes and asking about their daily chores. The only person still distant is Echo, but Clarke holds no grudge against her.

-

Bellamy has naturally become a respect figure for the Space Explorers along Raven, Madi and Diyoza. Clarke is always invited to the leaders reunions but she is tired of being in charge and politely rejectes the invite after a while, and as a result she sees them a little less lately than she would like.

Which, concerning Bellamy, is a good thing because is like he is purposely trying to give her a heart attack. He shaved, which frankly made her stare at his chin and almost lose balance. The haircut was also a huge improvement, in Clarke’s opinion, and that is the problem, right? She shouldn’t have any opinion about that at all.

But she does.

A very _interesting_ opinion on the matter.

And he touches her. Which is frankly a bad thing because she is hyper-aware of how much she enjoys it. Her skin craves his casual touches, some brush of his hand passing by, his fingers on her back politely asking her to move, _you are sweating_ again.

He is almost domestic. Like this is something they do usually.

Like he is not involved in a relationship with another person who should be receiving those touches.

-

Madi, being the nosy little know-it-all she is, is the first to notice the way Clarke seems to be avoiding Bellamy.

‘Are you still angry at him?’ she asks in the darkness of their room that night, her small body pressed next to Clarke’s under the white blankets of the bed. She has her own room but rarely sleeps there, which gives Clarke a deep joy.

‘No’ Clarke whispers, caressing her hair. ‘Not angry. I’m just-just confused’.

‘Because he loves you?’ Madi says, so casually it almost makes Clarke jump.

‘Madi, you can’t go around saying things like that! Bellamy is in a relationship with another person and you could hurt the feelings of a lot of people making up stories’

Madi shifts a little. ‘They are not together anymore. Emori told me. They had a fight about me and Octavia before we went to cryo sleep’.

Clarke’s heart pounds so hard into her chest she feels everyone on the camp can hear it.

‘About you?’

‘Bellamy feels incredibly guilty about the commander chip. He knows there was no other choice for him in that moment but-He put this responsibility upon my shoulders and hurt you and that makes him feel miserable even though Echo kept telling him he did the right thing. He also loves Octavia no matter what, even if he is not ready to forgive her yet, and Echo does not understand’.

 _I don’t understand_ Echo had said indeed.

‘Okey’ Clarke says, trying to control her pulse a little ‘but you shouldn’t say those kind of things because you don’t know if they are true’.

‘He loves you’ Madi scoffs, waving her hand a little ‘I only had to ask him to forgive you and he did instantly. When we were waiting for the meeting with Eligius people yesterday I told him about how you prepared the houses on Eden for them, and the paintings you did, and how you helped your mum, and he listened to me like it was the most important thing in the world. And he looks at you _a lot_ ’.

The girl’s voice grows tired and sleepy by the end of her reasoning and mere seconds later she’s sleeping with soft rhythmic breaths.

Clarke, on the contrary, barely sleeps at all.

-

‘Do you think we could ask for some vehicles to travel out of this city?’ Clarke asks Bellamy after a few weeks. She’s been thinking about it more and more lately: a trip to see the oceans, to see new animals and discover trees and plants. Just thinking about it the last days has recharged her heart with unknown energy.

Bellamy throws a surprised look at her, and she bites her lip, unsure, the old habit returning in full force.

Something dark flashes in his eyes, now fixed on her mouth like in a trance.

‘Why?’ he asks, voice a bit shaky. ‘You want to leave?’

‘No, just-I think I might be a little homesick for the forest, that’s all’, it takes all her willpower not to lower him down from his jacket and kiss him until he melts just to wipe out that expression from his face. Talking to him seems to be an extreme exercise of self-control lately, the atmosphere around them charged with an electricity she dreams about at nights when she is alone in the darkness of her room.

Is _this_ what she believes it is?

But still she does nothing because she is a damn coward. What if everyone is mistaken? What if a wrong step leads her to lose her best friend... again?

-

The idea of seeing real trees reaches Jordan’s ears and he becomes an actual excited puppy around her that same day, jumping and smiling and babbling and absolutely on board with the idea, so insistent that finally Clarke concedes _yes Jordan I’ll see what I can do_ and he screams so loud Murphy jumps up in the air scared at the sound.

A few days later she talks about the possibility of a trip with the Original People, and they agree, even volunteering to show them hidden locations of the planet. Clarke tells Octavia trying to hide her excitement just in case, but the way the dark eyes shine brightly is unmistakable.

Everyone seems happy about the idea. Everyone except Bellamy.

He barrels into her room that same night, scowling, his later tenderness seemingly replaced by the fiery spark old Bellamy used to had.

‘Why this sudden urge to leave? What if something happens?’ The amount of anger he seems to be feeling leaves her perplexed.

‘Nothing will happen. They have told me this planet is fairly secure and Octavia is like the best warrior we both know so in case anything happens I’m sure she’ll be able to manage it… And I like to believe I am a bit competent in that field too. Look Bellamy, we are not needed here right now, all of you are busy, I barely have seen Madi these last days. We’ll go and return and nobody would even notice’.

He huffs and locks his jaw, his eyes lost in the ceiling.

‘I can’t go with you. We’ve got this meeting tomorrow and the planning of the new reactor and I can’t possibly miss...’

‘I know’ Clarke cuts nonchalantly, shrugging while adding a pair of trousers to her bag. ‘You are important here, we are not. Hence the trip’.

Bellamy stares directly into her soul, deadly serious now. ‘Don’t. You _are_ important’ he says, decisive.

He crosses the room in two large strides and hugs her.

Clarke closes her eyes almost instantly and lets her nose and lips loose themselves in the softness of his neck, her own arms encircling his back, her body adjusting to his. It’s the closest they have been since that day in the ship, one hundred and twenty six years ago.

‘I am not leaving forever’ she mumbles, and her hot breath causes him to shiver into her arms. ‘I promise’.

‘You never promised before’ his voice is barely a whisper.

'I am now'.

Bellamy’s eyes are dark, his lips tempting, and it stirs something inside her chest. The air around them suffocates her, but it seems the world outside ceases to exist the moment he looks at her mouth, that gaze again, _that_ feeling again.

Something she dares not name.

But she is feeling brave, suddenly.

‘Why are you looking at me like that?’ he’s still in her arms, his hands on her lower back, radiating warm.

He can dismiss the question if he wants. He can just step back and mark all of this as a misunderstanding.

‘Like what?’ he asks, soft again with a husky tone, his hand on her hair, caressing it.

He’s still looking at her mouth when she closes the distance between them. Closer than she’s never been to his lips she allows him the final step. If all of this is a giant mistake she won’t take the decision from him.

Bellamy, on the contrary, seems to have a very solid opinion on the matter.

Their teeth clash a little, both so desperate their hands and arms and legs are everywhere, just touching, feeling, claiming. Bellamy kisses her with such a determination Clarke has no more room for doubting his feelings. He kisses her as if she deserves it. For the first time on a long time she allows herself to feel this happiness.

His warmth surrounds her, invading her senses. She caresses his upper arms, drowning herself in the darkness of his hair, kissing the scar of his lip, enjoying the way his fingers press into her flesh.

His hand touches her face with a tenderness Clarke was not expecting. ‘I love you’ Bellamy says, simply, and her chest explodes with the force of a supernova.

She spent six years waiting for him, to hear his voice again, dreaming about the moment in which she would be able to tell him those same words. But after Eden’s destruction her heart seemed to close itself inside a cold cell of feelings and she was unable to speak the words that now burn in her throat.

So she kisses him, in a slow rhythm that elicits a soft moan he all but hums, pressing her harder to him, afraid of losing her again. _I’m never leaving you again_ she is saying without words while kissing his earlobe, _I can’t stop loving you_ her thighs proclaim when she puts them around his waist, _it’s been only you since before I even knew_ it’s what her hands trace in his skin when his shirt flies away. _I am sorry_ his fingers leaving a path of fire in her breasts, _I missed you_ his mouth in her neck pressing into her pulse, _you are my person_ his body moving with hers in synchrony as easily as always.

‘Do you remember Unity Day?’ he asks later when they are naked under the sheets of her bed, his head on her chest, skin glowing.

She smiles.

‘You were flirting with me that night’ Clarke teases.

‘I was already in love with you that night, princess. I didn’t know it, but I was’.

It astonishes her how long he has loved her. They were so _young_ then. So full of hope and life. 

‘You never said a word’ but as she is saying it she knows that’s not true. He just never said it with those three words.

  _Brave princess. You did what you had to do. Together. You left me. I would like a break from saving your life. If I’m on that list you are on that list. Nothing is happening to you. She is. The commander asked me to._

 Clarke feels like Praimfaya, dying again. But this time, she embraces it.

This time, she loves it.  

-

Octavia throws her a suspicious look through the rear-view mirror of the vehicle next morning.

‘What?’

‘You seem happy’ the former Blodreina says, only frowning a bit.

Clarke lets her eyes wander around the landscape, her hand tracing wobbly lines upon the paper she has on her lap, drawing mechanically.

‘Yes’ she finally answers, barely containing a smile. ‘I think I may be’.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, leaving kudos or commenting last chapter. You are the best. I hope you enjoyed the end. :*


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